Someone, I don't know who, thought that it would be wise to inform a teacher at my college - that I have recently posted about self harm, suicide and other such things. As a result of this, my medication has been revoked including one tool, and I am no longer in control of that. Something of which, is very hard considering I take on a need basis. I assume that this was some sort of concern, for my personal safety, which I can understand. Now people are asking to read my blog, probably out of concern and curiousity to what these posts were. Unfortunately, within the first hour of learning what had happened, I wiped it. So this is a nice, fresh slate where you can read to your heart's content about how I'm bitter about what happened.
What I cannot understand is how someone finds it absolutely hilarious that this is acceptable, to report my personal blog which is a safe haven/sanctuary/whatever you want to call it, where I choose freely to rant about my mental health and other such issues. I say on a regular basis that I appreciate the discretion of my blog, and if you have any issues or would like to discuss something, to come to me personally. If you are concerned about my welfare, then immediate action can be taken, but I won't be thankful for it. I'm not upset. Frankly, I don't think I have that emotion anymore. I'm angry. Anger directed towards the fact someone thinks it is right to storm into this safe haven of mine since 2010, and take it away from me.
I would never do what someone has done to me, unless it was a life or death situation, which this was not. If I had intended suicide, it would have been crystal clear that was what was happening, and I would not be writing this. On numerous occasions, I have posted on this blog the information in detail, about several attempts on my life, and I've been thankful enough to have a couple of very close friends who have looked after me in those situations.
I understand that someone with my 'conditions' as the NHS likes to call it, has a hard time defining the line between education and home life, but it is not fine to make this into a blurred line, and give information to teachers and other such professionals. Information that is private and the people who had this information knew that I trusted them in giving my URL, and someone defied that trust. I understand that I may have posted information that was misleading in that I may harm myself.
But if you were concerned, you could have reached out and contacted me, either through Tumblr, or Twitter, or Facebook, or my phone number or email, or ANYTHING. I understand better than most people the fear of losing a person you may know well, or not even briefly, if they are going to hurt themselves, and I understand that concern, I do. But I do not think it is right for someone to tramp their way and destroy something that is very personal and I use as a vent system to stop myself from hurting further.
On several occasions, I have said both in writing, and to people in face to face conversations, that if you wish to discuss something with me, please do it in person and that I would like some matter of discretion to my blog and writing. There are some laws in place that teachers have a duty to protect their students from harm and yada yada yada. But a college who knows that I have suffered from mental health problems and some teachers who explicitly know I have experienced this problems, is there not some sort of line in place? If so. This line has been stepped over, and I'm not happy about that.
This is a violation of trust, for whatever purpose, and yes. It's a publicly displayed page on the internet, and anyone can view it, not just teachers and colleagues and everyone else in this big wide world. Whatever. I know that I am careful at who I hand out my information to, and these people clearly were not. And they didn't realise how much I trusted them with the information in their hands. All I am asking is that I can return to whatever normality I had before this morning, and that whoever reported me comes forward, so I can have some peace of mind.